


Run Away From Me

by thatwasahaiku



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-14
Updated: 2013-03-14
Packaged: 2017-12-05 06:38:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,697
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/720000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thatwasahaiku/pseuds/thatwasahaiku
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>remember when Liam tweeted about this song and I thought it would make a cool songfic and then I hated myself for it but I wrote it anyway?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Run Away From Me

“Something’s on your mind”

 

“Pardon?”

 

“You’ve been staring at your glass for the past ten minutes. And there’s also the fact that you’re in a rundown pub on Christmas Eve.”

 

“Oh, well, I…”

 

The bartender tossed the towel he was using to wipe down the counter over his shoulder. “It’s kind of in the job description”

 

“What is?”

 

“Listening”

 

Liam’s face burned under the gaze of the bartender. “I…I couldn’t trouble you with my problems”

 

“What else do I have to do?” He looked around at the empty pub. “You’re my only customer, mate”

 

“I…” Liam finally stretched a hand forward and lifted his glass to his lips, the beer sliding smoothly down his throat. He hated the taste of beer, but it’s what he needed at the moment. “I mean, if you wouldn’t mind…”

 

“Look, how about you talk to me like I’m whoever is troubling you. I’m assuming it’s some sort of significant other”

 

“You could say that”

 

Zayn’s smile

 

Zayn’s arm casually thrown around his during an interview

 

Zayn leaning into his space to whisper some clever comeback to whatever Paul was lecturing them about

 

The sense of security that only Zayn could really provide; the hole in his heart that only Zayn could truly fill

 

Liam’s heart twisted. “Or lack there-of”

 

“Like I said, talk to me like I’m her”

 

“Him”

The only ‘him’ that would only really matter

 

“Or him, like I really give a shit” the bartender threw his arms in the air with indignation. He stepped forward so his arms were resting on the counter, staring at Liam. “I’m here to listen”

 

“Okay,” Liam took a deep breath and said “I always find,” then his voice faltered. He wasn’t used to talking about his feelings to complete strangers, but hey, if this is really was a part of the bartender job description…Liam took a swig of his pint and stared at his hands, his voice a low whisper, “I always find something wrong. And you’ve…you’ve been putting up with my shit just way too long”

 

The word shit was heavy coming out of his mouth but it was the only real way to describe what he’d been doing.

 

Liam’s mind rewound to the memories of him brushing off Zayn for Danielle, for not seeing what was right in front of him, for taking Zayn for granted, for not loving Zayn as much as he deserved.

 

“I’m so gifted at finding what I don’t like the most, so I think it’s time for us to have a toast”

 

He raised his pint in the air.

 

“Let’s have a toast for the douchebags, let’s have a toast for the assholes, let’s have a toast for the scumbags, every one of them that I know” the glass hit wood hard, the sound echoing throughout the room. He was raising a toast to himself, to his own worst enemy. “Let’s have a toast for the jerkoffs, that’ll never take work off”

 

All the times when Liam forgot just how young he was, the fact that he was still just a kid. Out of all of them, maybe he was the most dedicated, the most driven. He was the one who had work on his mind what felt like 24/7. Had he ever really taken the time to stop and smell the roses, so to speak? Had he ever really appreciated what was right in front of him, or who was right in front of him?

 

“Baby, I got a plan-run away fast as you can”

 

That’s what was best, for Zayn to run away. He needed to be far away from Liam. Zayn deserved someone far better than Liam; he deserved the very best.

 

Liam had baggage. Hell, all Liam was was baggage. He was a bundle of mixed emotions and split personalities. There were so many people for Liam to please, so many faces he had to put on. Zayn deserved someone honest. Zayn deserved someone who could actually be true to themselves.

 

He looked up and realized that the bartender was staring down at some stain on the wood. Not really knowing the standard procedure, Liam gritted his teeth and ventured on, saying what hurt but what was needed. 

 

“You just…you need to run away from me, baby” his hand tightened its grip on his glass. “Run away. Just run away from me.  It’s about to get crazy” Liam closed his eyes and imagined what the future could be like if they were actually together. If Zayn’s love matched his own. It would be chaos; it would be hell. They would get hate left and right. Their lives would never be the same. It…it wouldn’t be worth it.

 

Liam had been telling himself that over and over and over since Louis pointed out Liam’s feelings for the so-called Bradford Bad Boy.

 

It wouldn’t be worth it.

 

Liam was too risky; he was too much of a hassle.

 

Zayn was carefree and easygoing. He was laidback and relaxed.

 

He was everything Liam could ever possibly want, and everything he could never have.

 

Because Liam was the opposite

 

He was tense and stressed. He was anxious and uptight.

 

He was Daddy Direction who couldn’t show any weakness.

 

But of course he had weaknesses, everyone has. He was filled with them, overflowing even. Almost to the point where he simply couldn’t stand it any more.

 

“Want me to top you off?” Liam jumped his listener’s voice.

 

“Oh, um, yes. Please” he pushed his glass forward.

 

To himself, he muttered, “Why can’t you just run away? I’ve got a plan, just run away fast as you can”

 

As soon as he felt the cool glass in his hand once more he raised it to his lips and took a long drink, one that Niall would be proud of.

 

“I was never much of a romantic,” his voice was louder, filling the entire room. Liam was gaining confidence, letting his heart out to the invisible Zayn. “I could never take the intimacy”

 

Liam had too many secrets, too many skeletons in his perfectly organized closet to let anyone really in. Danielle had tried and…that had been a mistake.

 

“And I know I did damage, ‘cause the look in your eyes is killing me”

 

Zayn always looked at Liam and actually saw Liam. When their eyes met Liam was struck with the feeling that he actually mattered, that someone cared. But recently Zayn’s gaze had been filled with doubt, with regret, with distaste. Zayn was upset with Liam and Liam knew it. He didn’t know why, but he knew it hurt like hell.

 

“I guess you’re at an advantage, ‘cause you can blame me for everything”

 

He wanted to be the excuse since Liam could handle the blame. That way he had more reason to hate himself.

 

“But I don’t know how I’mma manage if one day you just up and leave”

 

There were tears in his eyes from the mere idea of Zayn leaving him.

 

Liam was strong, but he wasn’t that strong.

 

“I just don’t deserve him. I want him, oh god,” he laughed darkly, surprising both the bartender and himself. “I really want him. I want to love him; I want…” the laughter faded from his voice, “I want to be his everything”

 

“And why can’t you?”

 

“Because I’m not good; because I’m his best friend; because he deserves better”

 

“Better than you?”

 

“Better than me” Liam nodded in agreement.

 

The bartender hummed in response. “I think that’s bullshit”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“I’ve done my listening and I think you’re being bloody sorry for yourself.”

 

“You know, I didn’t sign up for the advice” Liam snapped.

 

“Lucky it comes free of charge then” the bartender quipped. “But alright, just one question. Have you told him how you feel?”

 

“Why would I, that would defeat the whole purpose”

 

“So you haven’t told him you love him?”

 

“No, and I never will” Liam would normally be ashamed to be spilling his deep dark personal secrets to some stranger, but it was Christmas Eve, he was drunk, and he was in love.

 

“Then it’s your loss”

 

“Excuse me?” Liam was used to dealing with assholes, but this remark was a slap to the face.

 

“It’s your loss if you don’t put yourself out there. You’re selling yourself short, not even giving him a chance to speak for himself. For all you know he could be madly in love with you as well”

 

“Him? In love with me? Fat chance” Liam stood up and began to put his jacket on. “Why would he fall in love with me? Haven’t you been listening? He just needs to runaway. Far away from me. He needs to find someone better”

 

The bartender shook his head in defeat. “It’s on the house, mate” Liam paused; hand on the bills in his wallet. “I’m not going to make you pay for a drink on Christmas Eve. But, you should go ahead and finish.” He nodded at the half filled glass.

 

Liam sighed, slipped his wallet back in its place in his back pocket and grasped the pint in his hand.

 

“A toast,” he raised the glass in the air again. “For the douchebags, the assholes, the scumbags, the jerkoffs. A toast, to the one and only me”

 

He downed the drink in one gulp.

 

“Merry Christmas” Liam called over his shoulder and he walked out into the December night.

 

“You too” Was the reply he got before the door to the pub swung shut and Liam was left on his own; just him and the moon and stars.

 

He knew it had been a stupid idea to walk to town, especially now that he was tipsy. The way back home was going to be rough.

 

Liam pulled his phone out, which he had shut off as to not be bothered, and waited for it to turn back on.

 

Three missed calls from his mother

 

A text from Ruth

 

And

 

Liam’s heart skipped a beat

 

**From Zayn (11:46)  
know its not xmas yet but I didnt want 2 4get. merry xmas liam! love u and miss u xxxxxxx**


End file.
